So, 28th birthday. I wanted to write a life check up. Talk about the ups and downs of being an immigrant. Yadda yadda yadda.
But I’m crazy tired (which is the norm for my life now).
Bullet points for today:
- worked a full day at work
- Went to Eilat with a friend for haircuts, dinner, and a bit of shopping
- Got home to a problem with a volunteer that decided to not show up for work 2 days in a row because he is up north. I played nice and said he could have off today (he called yesterday) but he needed to be at work tomorrow. Tonight he calls again and says he can’t make it back to kibbutz. So I have to fire him tomorrow if he isn’t here by 8am. First volunteer I have to fire – and truth be told, I won’t bat an eye lash over it. It would make sense if I had to strength to write out the whole story, but the bottom line is don’t try to fuck me over – I’m the easiest branch for volunteers to work with on the whole kibbutz.
So tomorrow morning, I have to work out with the boss how far we are going to take it with this volunteer (minimum is telling him to pack his things when he comes back and leave the kibbutz, maximum is the packing, plus having his visa revoked and forcing him to leave Israel all together without his volunteer stipend due to failure of contract). And then I have to ask the boss if I can still go on my 3 day vacation to Tel Aviv that is supposed to start tomorrow afternoon. I’m doubting I’ll be able to go since housekeeping would only have one person for the rest of the week and that one person was almost fired yesterday.
Blow up at work today. Sick of having to defend a 3 person volunteer staff. Sick of having to explain how any hotel in any part of the world on any level works – including the other guest houses in this area. Sick of having to be “that guy” who brings up all the many short comings when it comes to how we treat volunteers here (like that they have no kitchens in their apartments, and so when the dining room closes, and the markolet and tea house turns them away, they literally have no food). Sick of only having the “throw away” volunteers that no other branch wants. Sick of having to fight to get the information I need to do my job. Sick of having to cover other people’s jobs when they decide to go hang out with their friends instead of working.
I’m just sick of this place. I need to move. I think I have a job offer, I’m just waiting for the manager to return my phone call.
The one thing sticking in my head from today’s blow up/break down in front of the boss: a story he told me about setting expectations re: kibbutz. No real answer came of it, but here it is abridged: you expect that in a kibbutz, a community with shared ideals and ideology, people would strive to live to those things. When they don’t time and time and time again, never trying to learn, you get let down. When you move to the city, you expect everyone to be out for only themselves. And so when that comes true, your expectations are met. You know how to prepare. Not true on kibbutz.
Anyway, really rough few weeks. The summer holiday season is almost over. Now if only the heat waves would stop and the power outages would stop. 104 F degrees at 9pm isn’t fun when the AC goes out (4th time tonight).
Time to eat the first meal since a half a bowl of cereal this morning and write up my 30 days notice.