I’m trying to get back on the life train so hopefully I’ll put out a new blog once a month again.
Depression has been too real. You all know what life has thrown at me from my past few updates. This round of joblessness was not as fun as I would have liked. And this certainly has been the longest and second hardest bout of depression I’ve ever had. But, the pills have finally taken the ups and downs to a steady lull. It is a really fascinating thing to watch when I think of it from afar; I am healthy enough to remember what I was like before depression. A go-getter, outgoing, energetic kind of guy that can find the good things in life just about anywhere. But, thanks to the pills, I just don’t have the energy or willpower or something to actually go back to being that person. It’s like a zombie. But a not super depressed zombie.
But things are progressing and I am trying to learn to trust the process. The airline tickets have been bought and come two weeks from today, I will be landing in sunny California to a new adventure.
Which brings me to something my aunt mentioned, in her very Jewish, round-about, twenty minutes later kind of way: I live a very lucky life. I have done and experienced things that most could only dream of. While I have wanted from things, I have not known true lacking for any long periods of time. I have been able to pick up my life and move quiet a few times and across the world. Despite my current Israeli bank account amount, I have a relatively good financial history and an American credit score that hovers just between ‘good’ and ‘great’ depending on the month. These are not things that most people can say and certainly not things a lot my age can say.
I am lucky for these things. And when I start to focus on the sad things in life, I need to remember that. Yes, moving sucks. Like, I have loathed the past two moves I’ve done with every fiber of my being. But I was able to do it. I am able to move when I feel like it because I am free from more permanent obligations and financial constraints. And yes, my personality has changed and I don’t like where I’m at now. But how many people get a fresh start in a brand new state when they need to make a change? And I have people around me that remind me of that. I am a lucky person.
Ok, I’m getting far too tired to keep going – off to bed and then Jerusalem tomorrow for the last time in this life chapter.