Well, to be honest, this shouldn’t be surprising to anyone. I’ve left work after a year and a half. I also decided to put my notice in on the apartment. Jerusalem is just too much, so I’m going to head north for yet another “fresh start”.
How did I get here again? Well, you will be happy to know that no drugs or alcohol were involved in the making of this life mistake. After two months of doing the assistant manager job that was vacant, I was given a three month trial period in the position. No change in contract, no change in pay. Just another three months of doing what I had already been doing for the two months before. And truth be told, I had to fight for the trial to even start. One Wednesday evening, the room service department was freaking out that we didn’t have the rooms blocked for Thursday or Friday – both of which were sold out. Not only would that have ruined room services’ day, it would have also fucked up housekeepings’ day. So, since the other, official assistant manager had already gone home and since I assumed the department manager had left hours before (per his usual behavior), I went downstairs to start blocking rooms. This is something I promised myself I wouldn’t do before I got the job because it is firmly within the job description of assistant manager. But I didn’t want the other departments to have a bad day. So I go and start. Not a quarter of the way into Thursdays block, I hear my boss. I was a bit amused that he was still at work at 6pm. But then I realized he was interviewing someone for the open assistant manager position. I was livid. But I held it together in that moment and simple stopped what I was doing and decided to go back upstairs to the reception desk and just be the best supervisor I could be and nothing more. Fast forward to 8pm and the boss is on the phone freaking out that we don’t have a block for tomorrow. Without skipping a beat, I told him he should, “ask that 20 year old punk wearing cut off jeans and a full beard interviewing for my job to do the block.” and hung up. It felt nice to say, but I am still the frairer here so by the end of my shift, we had the whole block for Thursday and most of Fridays block. The next day, I went into work and within a half hour, I was brought down to HR for what I assumed would be me getting fired for hanging up on my boss one too many times. But instead, they offered me the ridiculous three month trial period with no change to anything. Realizing they were actively interviewing other candidates, I figured I had no choice so I took what I could.
Now, I should mentioned that there were already two other assistant managers who had already quit their positions within a year of opening. The third one (the current assistant manger) already made it know that this isn’t how things are supposed to be working and there are serious issues. So when I came in to be number 4 as a junior assistant, I know it was going to be a rough time. But after a month a three weeks, I had this snap in my head. “You work a third of your life, you should be happy there” kept running through my head. And 12 or 13 hour shifts most days of a 6 day work week just wasn’t making me happy with all the bullshit I had to deal with. So I put my letter of resignation in effective 1 September, the day I was supposedly going to finish the trial period. The upper management tried to get me to stay and truth be told I wanted to. But I can’t work in a department where people just don’t care about the workers. I don’t know how much of my own money I spent on either staff supplies or staff development just to be told not to do that in a condescending way.
But now I’m out. And I have another month and a half on my apartment. The plan is to move to the far north near the coast and find a job that isn’t in the hotel industry. But I am having a huge mental block in actually doing the work to make that happen. I know that a huge part of it is that I want to move back to the US. I want to be back in a culture that comes natural to me, one that I don’t have to double or triple think and check before reacting or responding. Like, I get the culture here. And to be sure, there are more positives here than in the US right now. But it is exhausting and I find myself hiding at home far too often. Not to mention that in almost five years I have had no real relationship and only a couple (as in, literally two) awkward encounters/dates.
But that isn’t what this is about. This is me writing into existence the plan. I will spend the next week finding an apartment that I love without any roommates in the north. My own little corner of the world where I can garden and paint the walls and buy my own furniture. Then I’ll start figuring out what I can do in that town. Office manager sounds nice. But I know I don’t want to work in hotel style service industry. I can work with Becky’s that can’t get their reports in on time. But I am over the assholes that think they buy the person on the other side of the counter when they come to a place. Then when I get up there, I will remember that I don’t want to be a workaholic. I want to have days at the gym and weekend hikes just outside the city. For the umpteenth time, I want to move to start over and live the life I want.
But if it doesn’t work, I am giving myself a year. And if I am still in this funk then, then I will move to the north west in the US and start over, again, there.